Wow, I feel like it’s been a long time since I have written in this blog. I keep telling myself that I need to sit down and write but I never end up doing it. It has been pretty busy though, I feel like I haven’t had much time to relax lately. The week has been amazing though, where do I even start?
On Friday, I went to a revival downtown and I can’t even explain fully what I felt. I’ve just never felt the presence of God in such a powerful way like this night. I could literally feel Him when I walked into the group of people. I was warm but I had goose pumps all over and within five minutes I was crying for no reason. There was people dancing, singing, praying over each other, and kneeling on the ground crying. It was crazy, no one knew each other but it was like we had all known each other for years.
I walked in there kind of stressed out and not feeling well and left feeling amazing. I just can’t explain it- if you ever get a chance to go to a revival, I highly recommenced it. Another exciting moment was on Sunday. I got baptized with my niece in a small creak behind their old church. It was pretty freaking cold but this is something that I have been wanting to do for a long time. If you would have told me a year ago that I was going to be baptized, I would have laughed in your face, it’s just crazy how quickly life can change.
I then went to another revival that night and then to another one on Tuesday. Tuesday was crazy also, not in like the jumping around singing crazy though. I actually really didn’t like the lady talking, she annoyed the crap out of me. Anyways, taking a step back- I have a sister that I don’t get along with. We have extremely different personalities and, I don’t know, we just disconnected around 8 years ago and have very rarely spoken since then. It doesn’t help that my husband would never allow her to come to our house and spoke horribly about her. One time he tried to divorce me because I left to see her daughter in the hospital.
That’s a completely different story for another time. Well she was there that night, so I got to sit next to her and my brother which was pretty awesome, but me and her still don’t know how to connect at all. The lady speaking was annoying all of us but we decided to stay anyways and then she started walking around and healing people and prophesying over them. I am always really skeptical of this kind of thing, I don’t know why, I guess I just have a general distrust in people. That lady came up to us three and I was like, oh here it goes… not a good attitude, I know. Guys, I cannot explain how she knew what she knew. This lady is from Africa… none of us knew anyone in that church. It’s not like she was telling us generalities about our life though that she could have guessed.
There are two things that have happened to me and my sister that I will not talk about to anyone and won’t even put on this blog. They are bad things, and we both feel a lot of shame and hurt from it all. Not to mention, one of those things happened to all of my sisters so it makes it even worse. Well this lady knew it all and she stood there and prayed over all of us while we just cried for like 5 minutes. I can’t begin to tell you all how healing it was to have that happen. I haven’t held my sister’s hand or hugged her for years and now all of a sudden, were doing both and crying together. I don’t know if my sister will receive what that lady said to her about other things but I know that it was a good start to healing our relationship together and that is awesome.
You see, I have spent the past 7 or 8 years never ever feeling this kind of love and connection like I have this past week or even the past few months. I’ve always been a little antisocial and then on top of that being with someone who thought we were doing good if we spent an hour with our mutual friend every month or two. I used to feel so empty and so alone and I pretty often wondered what this life was even about. Now, in just a few months, I’ve learned what this life is about and I’ve experienced it first hand. God is out there people, and he’s just waiting for us to call out to Him for help.
I was alone, dead inside, miserable, suicidal and hopeless not to long ago. I accepted Jesus and started trusting Him and He brought me back to life and surrounded me with loving people and gave me happiness and a future. I still have a long way to go and I still have to deal with my wrecked marriage and the pain that is coming from that. I still have to have complete faith in God because I have no idea what I am doing with my life. I still have to deal with the loss of the life that I thought I would have. There is a lot right now that I have to deal with but the anxiety is going away and the constant worrying is starting to disappear just a little bit. Not to be too dramatic but even though I’m walking though a massive storm in my life right now, for the first time it feels like the storm might end soon and there is a bright shining day on the other side. I don’t know what that day will look like and it still worries me slightly but I have hope again and that’s enough for me right now. A lot more has happened but I feel like it will make this post way to long, so hopefully I will get my butt more motivated and start writing in this more often.