I Didn’t Expect This One

Does any one ever feel like their world is crumbling around them? You know like when one of your strongest foundations falls apart or when the one thing you thought would be constant suddenly changes. You just get this sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach because suddenly you realize that nothing in your life is safe, one day you have an amazing job and the next you don’t.

Not to be braggy here but I do have an awesome job. I have an amazing team that I really can always count on and I consider them all to be very close friends. I knew that if I got a divorce, they would all step up to help me move or watch a dog. They listened to me complain and talk about my stress with my marriage. They messaged me all the time to see how I was doing and offer help. When it came to work things, we always grouped together and figured out to get the job done. Not to mention the fact that I also just really enjoy my job. I have a manager over seas that lets us do what we need to do and then leaves us alone, I get free dog food and I get to play with dogs and cats whenever. Like it really is the best job I could ask for.

Well anyways, two weeks after I moved in with my husband again, we had the most busy week yet at work and we were working long hours and just struggling a bit. Plus I had to present to the site that week and it always makes me nervous. Well two hours after my presentation, we were all called into a meeting with some high up leadership and the HR department. I honestly did not think anything bad would happen. Our team pumps out a lot of good data and we are very high functioning. I guess that doesn’t matter though cause they let the entire team go.

We were horrified, I mean totally thrown off. I was so shocked and just couldn’t believe it. The site manager was my mentor for Pete’s sake and she knew this whole time! I just felt so betrayed and let down by the site and our company. I can’t imagine losing everything that I loved like this. But I have to be thankful because they didn’t make us leave that day. We get to stay till the end of our projects so we can finish those and find another position. They don’t want a lab on site anymore though so that kind of kills my dream of staying on site and they don’t have a place close that I could move to so it kind of looks like I’m out of luck.

I know that God has a plan and that it’s all in His hands but right now, my emotions are winning and this is really hurtful. This will all work out but man, this is some bad timing. Well it’s good timing because if I would have tried to work things out with my husband after I heard this news he would have been suspicious. In every other aspect though, it’s bad timing.

It just feels awful. I feel miserable, with my marriage it felt awful but it was already awful and I had some resemblance of control over the situation. I have no control over this and I’m losing something that was the complete opposite of awful. I really do trust God to get us through this and I’m not super concerned about the future in regards to finding another job and finance etc…. I am a little bit because I don’t want ever have to rely on my husband financially, at least right now.

What I am just really sad about is losing the team and the job that I love. Also I don’t know how they expect us to keep working with this news. I mean I’ll do it until I find something else but It’s pretty hard to focus when you know you are being disposed of. We will see, I’m glad that I have God to trust and I know He’ll get me through it.